Asserting myself while dating sex dating in beggs oklahoma
"Some of them will grow out of it and realize they like girls like you," they assured me..In college, she’d down whiskey shots and discuss batting averages.And I realized very quickly that this less sanitized version of myself was not the type of "girl" these guys wanted to deal with.One day, I was talking to a man who asked me what I was looking for relationship-wise. Once he got even a whiff that I wanted a commitment, he ran away at such a breakneck pace that it confirmed everything society had been telling me about straight men: They wanted girls who were chill, not women who wanted a relationship.As Gillian Flynn wrote in the novel, this is the type of "girl" who "smiles in a chagrined, loving manner and lets [her man] do whatever [he] wants." She is basically "the girl who likes every fucking thing he likes and doesn’t ever complain." Hearing the concept laid out so succinctly validated so many of my own insecurities about how I fell short of societal expectations of how a woman should make herself appealing to men (and judging by the barrage of smart reaction pieces about the Cool Girl that followed, many women on the internet felt the same way). I am overly analytical, sometimes earnest, definitely neurotic, and extremely emotional. My college boyfriend was obsessed with prog rock, so I downloaded Genesis and Rush to my i Pod — even though I hated it.When I worked behind a bar in my early 20s, I started shooting Jameson to impress one of the regulars I thought was a fox, even though the taste made my stomach turn.I met a guy on Ok Cupid who said he was into Russian literature and jazz, so I bought a copy of In the back of my head, I always knew that this wasn’t who I was.
I’m not saying that I blamed myself for the unfair standards placed on women; I simply decided that there was only one variable I could control in these situations: how I reacted to the pressure to be "cool." So I slowly, but surely, began expressing my actual feelings around the men I was dating.
But this time, instead of being horrified, I felt totally fucking badass.
I’d told him exactly what I expected from him, and in doing so, I recognized exactly what I was looking for myself.
I’d think, But then Jennifer Lawrence would hit the red carpet in a Dior gown and talk about how uncomfortable it was, and how much she wished she had some Mc Donalds, and men would swoon.
So I carried on the charade, even after knowing full well what I was doing.
The popular girls who the boys "liked" back then (whatever the hell that means in fifth grade) were the girls who would run around and play football with them.